my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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