i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want her autograph on my taint
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
