Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
