Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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