i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
