I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
