apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
