What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
