Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
