Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize