My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
