i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
