thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
