Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
