In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i out mim tonsoeep
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
