She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
