Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
