he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
