i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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