i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
