if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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