My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
