I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
