No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
