Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
