Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
