you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
