So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
