The maid of honor just puked.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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