Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize