You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
