It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
