peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
