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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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