You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
