Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
