you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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