It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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