It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can Purell be used as lube?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
