You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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