In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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