I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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