When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
