Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
