hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize