The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i dont even know how to be here
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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