matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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