have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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