I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
love makes seman taste better
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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