You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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