Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
