I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
