Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
