May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
