I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
how does that bad decision feel?
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