Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
