remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
