Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
