so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
