I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
