are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
