he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
