I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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