I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
