I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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