Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
