Welp...herpes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
