its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
